ER Run 6.13.2018

Last several days have been rough, but not abnormal. Tuesday, 6/12, around 9:30 PM I began to go out of it mentally and get somewhat weak. Going to bed seemed like a great idea at that time to reduce falling. When I awoken the next morning, I felt the same but a bit more out of it mentally. All day I was just going back to sleep over and over. I got up twice to use the restroom. It was a struggle in itself. Walking was difficult, and even sitting on the toilet I was swaying very badly. In the midst of all this, I forgot the process/what to do.

How mom found me. Unable to move at all.

The third time I woke up and went to the restroom were like the rest. When I got back to bed, I sat up indian style and checked my phone. It didn’t take long at all before I started to get so weak that I was unable to hold my phone. After putting it down, I grabbed my tea to drink before I laid down. I didn’t make it that far. Holding onto my cup, my entire torso and head began slumping to the left. Before I know it my weight was so dead/heavy that I flipped off the bed into the floor. At that point I could not move at all. Talking wasn’t even an option. After laying in the floor for a while, mom gets home from work and finds me. Able to talk by then, I told her what happened and I can’t move. She called Willie to help and they decided to call for an ambulance, due to the dead weight. After being drug though the house and loaded up, we traveled to DCH.

When there I could talk, but still had no movement of my body from the neck down. People had to move my head for me, itch my nose, etc. I was able to feel pressure to some areas, but not all of them due to numbness. After a few hours in the ER, I was slowly able to wiggle my toes and fingers. Gradually from there more of my strength was coming back. The doctor wasn’t sure what to do. Yet I had to go because it was a BAD time that needed to be documented. They did a CT on my head from falling off of my bed. Drew blood, urine, gave me meds, and fluids. Finally I was able to go home, but still not walking well. Calling my primary doctor today. My unavailability to move my body lasted from roughly around 4:10PM – 9:30PM, I believe.

One of many frustrating parts is feeling trapped in your own body and can’t function it. I had to ask for help for dumb little things. Another part is the doctor, He was like basically ok what am I suppose to do or why are you here. I’m sorry I’m wasting your time, but I can not move my body AT ALL! I was already hangry and frustrated about all of this. GRR!! LOL!

Many people have asked what happened, so this way is the easiest to tell all at once. 🙂

 

Never Take the Small Things for Granted.

Most of you know my health situation. Seven months of non known, which started in 2005, but worsen uncontrollably seven months ago. Looking back I had all these dreams and goals that I wanted to accomplish in life. I aimed for them, but health always drug me backwards. Like I could never win any big battle against it.

Well now looking back them “Big” battles, I would love to have now. I never imagined my life at twenty nine years old, living at home, not able to work, not able to drive out of my small town, and using a walking cant to walk some days. I would rather have the battles of my past than the battles of my presence.

Example. This weekend has been a roller coaster for my health.

Friday. I felt rough that morning, yet better by the evening. My friend and I went to eat Mexican at the local restaurant, then decided to ride back roads and jam out. In the middle of riding around, I could feel my body draining and going weak, my brain began to fog up, and my noticed my words were mumbling and not making sense. Great. 🙄

By the time I returned home around 11pm, I got inside and changed into pajamas. Went to the kitchen for a snack and sat in there to eat, since I was exhausted from just that little walk. After putting the food away, I was walking out of the kitchen and fell on the tile floor. Y’all that’s the worse place in the house to fall, I have tested them all unfortunately. 😂 It took a while to gain strength to get up, but as always I did it.

Saturday. I woke up sore but mostly doing good. Everyone left and I wanted to stay home being a little off steady still. Alone, I had one of my larger spells. I use to get sent to the ER during them, because everyone around me at the time thought I was having a stroke. It was the exactly symptoms of a stroke. Yet no tests ever came back as a stroke. This time I was scared, I couldn’t work my phone nor could I speak. I was crying and mad that I couldn’t do nothing. I wanted to drive myself to the ER, but I knew I couldn’t drive. I didn’t want to pay for an ambulance, but it was almost to that point. Next I knew after at least 15-20 minutes, it began to fade away. No, I didn’t go to the doctor, because it’s the same results each time. I fell one time that day and couldn’t contain my bladder. I was exhausted the rest of the day like a ran a marathon and was hit by a truck. Needless to say my Saturday was spent in bed.

Sunday. I awoke kinda off and walking very well finally. Didn’t make it to church, but I was up and functioning. My friends came to see me and ate dinner at our local Mexican restaurant to lift my spirits…it worked. After we ate they came back to my house to hang out. I fell once while they were there, and noticed my walking going off again. Great! After they leave I go to bed and can’t sleep due to nausea and pain. After many unsuccessful attempts, I went to sit in the kitchen and eat a cucumber. Walking to the table after getting the cucumber, I fell and couldn’t get up for a while, my hip was throbbing. Not able to stop or get up, I urinated on myself. Which has been happening more recently. 😤

What is there to do? 29 years old falling in the floor, can’t control her bladder, can’t work, can’t drive, and living at home. Oh boy, I am living the life! (Sarcasm)

It is beyond frustrating being trapped in a body you can’t seem to control that’s taken over your life. It makes me think of Parkinson’s, MSA, and other patients. I couldn’t imagine what’s it’s like for them.

I may have it rough to some people, and to me on some days, I am so blessed!! I am able to get up on my own majority of the time. I am able to feed my self and clean my own body. So much to be thankful for today!! Yes, I get frustrated and break down, but I always try to come back thankful.

Never take for granted the little things in life. Getting in a car and driving. Going to work. Walking when you want too. Today a few of my battles are these listed above. Some days I can do all of them, and some days I can’t do any of them. I’d give anything to get my so called big battles from the past to replace these, but that isn’t in God’s plan.

The problem all along with my goals and dreams was that God wasn’t in them. So now I live one day at a time and follow His paths as best as I can. I love how I look back at times and can thank Him for allowing me to face things to be able to seek Him more and grow with Him. I’m so thankful He gave me eyes to see that I have many blessings in my life even after horrible days.

Eyes to the Sky!

Daily Struggle

The older I became, the more difficult my daily struggles were becoming. You are probably thinking, well of course you are an adult. No, I mean health struggles.

KEEP YOUR GALLBLADDER!! If you don’t want to get sick when you eat and have to change your diet definitely keep it. Also if using public restrooms or going on the side of the road isn’t your cup of tea, I’d suggest trying to keep it. Oh staying around a restroom for a while after eating is a must as well. HAHA! Y’all the struggle with that alone is real!

I have always been a planner. I could tell you what my week or weekend plans were going to involve. Now not so much. I have to go with the flow, because my days vary. Today for an example, I was having a good day and was able to get a few things done here at home. This afternoon my sister and I even went to walk. I walked .7 miles at a fast pace, that is a huge accomplishment considering my circumstances.

This evening was a different story.  While swinging in a hammock chair, I started to get warm and motion sickness (Nauseated, light headed, dizzy, extremely weak, brain fog). Walking inside the house I almost fell and had to sit for a while to regain strength. Finally inside at the kitchen table, I sat until the food was ready. I was able to fix my plate, but had to go slowly. After eating and playing dominoes, the tea needed to be made before I went to my bedroom. Pouring the little bit of tea left in the pitcher into the sink, I was shaking and it went down the counter. Grabbing a towel to bend and wipe the tea up, I was stuck. I had no strength to pull myself back up and just sat on the floor.

When this happens I don’t ask for help. I get frustrated! I hate not being able to do these simple things alone. I refuse to lose! I will sit there as long as I have to until my strength comes back. Yet there are times where I have laid on the floor not able to control my body. I have urinated and drooled on myself, waiting on someone to find and help me. I try not to allow people to see how badly it gets sometimes. I don’t want to be thought of as that girl with issues, I want to be known as the girl who over came her battle or the girl who used it for good.

These “Spells” as I call them, come and go all throughout the day. Some I am able to hide and some couldn’t hide even with an elephant in front of me. So my days plans change suddenly and throughout the day. It frustrates me to tears and depression.

Currently I’ve been out of work for about 6 months, and my family pays my bills. I have went to interviews and prayed to God that if I’m ready and He wants me at work to open the door for me. Each time the door cracks open, my health improves for a few days and then I hit rock bottom again. God must see the larger picture and know I’m not ready yet. I have been selling personal items and finding any way I can to help pay my bills. With that being said, I don’t want to have to get on disability, so I will continue to push myself to get back into work.

With these daily struggles, I know I can handle them with God along my side. He always provides to those who are faithful. Yet I am human and will break sometimes. My family and friends are amazing and pray for me to overcome this. If you see me walking perfectly fine then a few hours later using my walking cane, don’t judge. We never know what people are facing in life. Be kind and supportive to all those you come in contact with.

The Invisibility

Since I was a child, I have dealt with health issues. In high school they began to worsen and still no answers. Now, 12 years after high school, I am still dealing with the health issues plus some.

For the last 6 months, I have been unable to work due to the health unknown. Let me recap what exactly happened.

Last spring while working for USPS as a rural carrier, my symptoms became more aggressive. Something I couldn’t ignore and continue to fight through as normal. If my body temperature over heated a tad bit, I’d feel nauseated, weak, dizzy, and out of it mentally. I wasn’t able to finish my route or get in and out of the car. Which was beyond frustrating for me! I am very independent and want to be the best at all my job positions. Due to the health issues, I had to leave the postal service and take a receptionist position at a local dealership.

Things began to get better. Being in a controlled setting and less stress, I think it may have reduce the symptoms. Plus I LOVE TO TALK! Receptionist talks all day on the phone or with clients. I fit in well I’d say. My passion for vehicles kinda paid off as well, since it was a big topic as a dealership. Who knew, right?! HAHA!

The managers began noticing that I knew a good bit about the vehicles and was able to communicate with anyone. I felt like they recruited the entire dealership to get me to sell cars. UHH! After a few weeks, I caved in and agreed to try to sell for 3 months. If I didn’t like it, I could get the receptionist position back. There were a few things that weren’t mentioned when convincing me to sell cars.

1. I’d be walking a lot and in the heat.
2. Moving cars is involved, which includes heat and heat in the hot cars.
3. Riding in the back seat of cars with clients test drove them.
(Carsick and scared for my life)
4. If it rains and someone pulls up on the lot, the girls goes out and needs the sell.
HELLO, MY HAIR IS FRIZZY AND SHORT!
5. It required most nights and every Saturday.

Y’all it was rough to say the least at first. My biggest issues was the heat. I would get sooooo weak from it, but too stubborn to tell anyone. One night I had to leave work a little early to sing in sign language for a church revival. I had been hot and could tell I was having a flare up that day. Calling to warn my cousin, who is pastor’s wife of the church, to tell her that I may not be able to do all three songs as planned. When I got down there I was feeling somewhat better, yet not 100%. Walking in, my cousin’s son saw me swaying and almost fell. He grabbed my arms to help steady me to the pew. Being me, I was fine and got this! When it was my time to sing, I was able to complete two songs, and left immediately to drive 45 minutes home.

After that I seem to get much better, for a few weeks.

Then randomly one day I began feeling off. I couldn’t concentrate or function, like my brain wouldn’t act right. Weakness, dizziness, and nauseated came and went throughout each day or that week. Of course I wasn’t going to tell anyone, I hate letting it win, so I push through as much as I can. It started on the Tuesday of that week. On that Sunday, I was driving to church (30 minutes away), still feeling off balance and out of it mentally, yet being hard headed. While in Sunday school class, others could tell I was out of it and not myself. They said they saw me swaying, staring off, not talking, sweating some, etc. Right after class I went straight home, didn’t stop for food or anything.

The next day is the most beautiful day aka Monday! (all sarcasm) Plus it was the last week of the month which is a wonderful time in the car business. HA!

When I awoke that Monday morning, all the symptoms I had the day before had worsened. It’s mandatory for everyone to work the last week of the month, plus I wanted to meet my sales goal. Taking the day off was out of the question.

Normally I’d go into work and talk to people before our meeting in sales. Not that morning, I went straight into the conference room and laid my head down until others got there. I have no clue what we talked about or who was in there, but I was there. After the meeting was over, I went to sit in the showroom waiting for someone to enter the lot. Sitting up there for a while, I was getting very dizzy and nauseated. Before anyone could tell how sick I was becoming, I darted to the restroom. Almost 40 minutes later, a customer found that I had fallen out in the big stall. Needless to say, I was sent to the doctor and home.

Since, I haven’t been able to work nor drive. I was falling so much from becoming weak and dizzy that I was required to use a walker or a walking cane. UM HELLO! I am 29 years old, so I quickly chose a cane. My symptoms have been coming and going. Frustrated isn’t even close to explaining how I have felt. My mom and family have been paying my bills, which is the worse part for myself.

At this point, I refuse to use the cane and beginning to find employment again. Yet every time an opportunity comes up, my health doesn’t allow me to go. Just because I’m walking better or smiling, doesn’t mean I’m well or better. It means I am a master at disguising my pains and issues. The Invisible.